When a new troop comes into depot they are assigned a “big brother” troop – one that has been there for a few weeks already and can show them all of the important things like where the mess hall is and what food is the most delicious (when you work as hard as they do, it’s all about the food).

The Mountie’s troop will become a big brother troop next week, after only three weeks. So I started thinking, what have I learned during this time that I would share with a depot spouse?

Advice for a Depot Spouse (First Three Week’s Edition)

1. You will not hear from your cadet much.
   As in, maybe a text once a day and a 3 minute phone call on the weekend. This will be tough – really tough – because you will miss them and want to hear from them.
2. You will feel left out.
   Your spouse will be having this brand new life experience and you won’t. Not only that, but the lack of communication combined with the rules the RCMP has about what cadets can even share with you about depot will make it nearly impossible to understand what their new reality is like. This feeling seems to be amplified by the fact that you’ve continued the life you shared without them – so they will intimately know exactly what you’re doing, and you will know basically nothing about what they’re doing.
3. Your cadet will be stressed out.
   You will hear it in their voice. They will be distracted during the precious few minutes they are on the phone with you. It will kill you that you can’t help, that you can’t be there to hold them or comfort them.
4. It will be hard for you too.
   It’s hard to run a life for two by yourself. It’s lonely and frustrating to feel cut off from the person with whom you’ve shared everything up until now. If you’re like me, your house will be far too quiet.
5. It will get easier.
   Three weeks in, the phone calls are a little longer, the texts a bit more frequent, but most importantly, he sounds more like himself then in the first few weeks. It will still be hard, but you will find a rhythm and a schedule that works for you. You will still look forward to hearing from your cadet, but it will feel less like oxygen and more like a nice surprise.

Hang in there.

Listening to: