Police Wife

First Visit, Check

~ mountieandme ~ Leave a comment

I just got back from my first thrilling visit to Regina. It was great to see the Mountie again, but it was also a very emotionally ass-kicking weekend. There is so much build up to seeing your spouse again that it’s a miracle I didn’t burst into tears as soon as I saw him. You’re hit by two extremes of being so happy to see them and so sad that you can’t just see them all of the time (a little angry about the latter as well).

I’m really struggling with how he’s changing. This seems to be something everyone left out while telling me how difficult it would be to be an RCMP/police wife. I know it will be incredibly hard to send him out on the street and worry about him coming home safely, and I thought the hard part about this stage was just the separation. But it is incredibly difficult and confusing to try to reconcile my perceptions of a police officer with the guy I married. I have the utmost respect for police officers – but how do you joke around with one like I joke around with my husband? With this guy who does silly things to make me laugh and gets on the floor to play with our dog like he’s a dog too?

Things got better as the weekend went on and we fell back into old routines and comfortable silences. I know it’s going to be a long time, but I can’t wait until he’s back in our home, even if it isn’t for long.

Listening to:

The First Three Weeks – Advice for a Depot Spouse

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When a new troop comes into depot they are assigned a “big brother” troop – one that has been there for a few weeks already and can show them all of the important things like where the mess hall is and what food is the most delicious (when you work as hard as they do, it’s all about the food).

The Mountie’s troop will become a big brother troop next week, after only three weeks. So I started thinking, what have I learned during this time that I would share with a depot spouse?

Advice for a Depot Spouse (First Three Week’s Edition)

  1. You will not hear from your cadet much.
    As in, maybe a text once a day and a 3 minute phone call on the weekend. This will be tough – really tough – because you will miss them and want to hear from them.
  2. You will feel left out.
    Your spouse will be having this brand new life experience and you won’t. Not only that, but the lack of communication combined with the rules the RCMP has about what cadets can even share with you about depot will make it nearly impossible to understand what their new reality is like. This feeling seems to be amplified by the fact that you’ve continued the life you shared without them – so they will intimately know exactly what you’re doing, and you will know basically nothing about what they’re doing.
  3. Your cadet will be stressed out.
    You will hear it in their voice. They will be distracted during the precious few minutes they are on the phone with you. It will kill you that you can’t help, that you can’t be there to hold them or comfort them.
  4. It will be hard for you too.
    It’s hard to run a life for two by yourself. It’s lonely and frustrating to feel cut off from the person with whom you’ve shared everything up until now. If you’re like me, your house will be far too quiet.
  5. It will get easier.
    Three weeks in, the phone calls are a little longer, the texts a bit more frequent, but most importantly, he sounds more like himself then in the first few weeks. It will still be hard, but you will find a rhythm and a schedule that works for you. You will still look forward to hearing from your cadet, but it will feel less like oxygen and more like a nice surprise.

Hang in there.

Listening to:

Happy Anniversary

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It was our third wedding anniversary yesterday. I was moping at work, as you do when your spouse lives in another province and you’re all aloney-lone for your anniversary, when I got an email telling me to pick up a delivery at the front desk.

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This guy, though.

Why My Husband Being At Depot Scares Me

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I got to speak to the Mountie this weekend for a new record time – 18 minutes.

However, I think I’ve pinned down what I’m really afraid of while he’s at Depot.

I’m afraid of being left behind.

The Mountie is off having all new experiences and new challenges, while I’m at home living the same life we were before he left. It’s a good life, and I’ll keep it warm for him, but I worry that when he gets back, the gap between us will be too big.

This worry is exacerbated by just how infrequently I get to speak to him. We have lived in separate provinces before, going for as long as three months without seeing each other, but we’ve never had this little contact. Previously, we would be chatting, emailing or texting each other constantly during the day. Now, I’m lucky if I get a single text from him, and calls are every couple of days at best.

I suppose part of this is the fear that he won’t be the same guy when he’s done training – or when he’s been a member for 10 years. I worry that policing will turn him into a different man, one I don’t recognize. Or, that he won’t recognize me from his new frame of reference.

I know he needs to focus on his training, and I honestly don’t begrudge him that at all. I just want to be a part of it (insert annoying whining).