General Whining

What They Don’t Tell You About Depot

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Or, what they won’t tell you about any situation where you have to spend extended periods of time away from your spouse, really.

Here it is: there comes a point where it’s easier not to visit them.

And it’s not because you love them any less, or that something is wrong with your relationship. It’s just that as exciting as it is to see your Cadet after so long apart, it gets harder and harder to leave them again. Each time I’ve gone out to visit, the pre-visit excitement period gets shorter, and the dreading-leaving-again period starts earlier, usually before I even fly out to see him.

For my Cadet, coming out of the Depot bubble into the real world was a nice break, but going back to depot was harder each time. I found that it took me a few days to adjust back to my life, and my Cadet found the same thing.

We ended up not booking my final trip out in favour of sucking up the last eight weeks until graduation. If you had told me we would make that choice back in January when he left, I never would have believed it, but it was the right thing to do.

On the upside, we’re only three weeks away now!

Let’s Get Moving

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We’re now at the end of Week 17. At the end of Week 16, I flew out to see the Mountie to hear about his divisional assignment. Division means (loosely) which province we’re moving to. In the next few weeks, we’ll find out his detachment (city). The RCMP really likes to keep us on a need to know basis, it seems!

It turns out, we’re heading to E Division (British Columbia). When my Mountie told me, it was hard to know how to react. We knew we would have to move, but this still means we’re leaving our life in Ontario. We were happy to get B.C., but we’re still sad to leave. Depot is turning out to be more of an emotional experience than I thought.

The upside is that it’s starting to feel like the end of training will come; it feels a lot more real now. And, now I have a zillion things to do, which is keeping me busy. This will be our third cross-country move – am I good at it yet?

Second Trip, No More Long Weekends

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Last weekend I was back in Regina to see the Mountie. Even though it was shorter, this weekend felt a lot more natural and normal between us. He’s more relaxed (even though he’s stressed about the workload), and because it wasn’t as long between visits, it just felt easier. Leaving continues to be awful, but the bathroom at the top of the escalator of the Regina Airport is a good place to have a quick cry before boarding a plane.

On this trip, I actually got to see Depot, or at least some of it. It is surprisingly nice to be able to picture where the Mountie is when he calls me while running or when he’s on his way to get a haircut. It’s amazing actually how much it helps.

Tomorrow is the mathematical halfway point (87 days) between when my Mountie left and when he’ll graduate. I’m still not sure if this is a helpful thing or something that makes me tired, but there it is.

We also learned this weekend that the Mountie (and anyone else in Depot) won’t have any more long weekends. They are pushing through so many troops, they need the time to keep things moving. It really sucks, but at least we got one long weekend together.

 

Listening to:

10 Things That Changed When My Husband Went To Depot

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  1. I have to actually watch the expiry dates on eggs. We used to buy two 18-pack cartons every time we got groceries – now, a single 12-egg carton lasts me a month!
  2. I leap across the room when I get a text message.
  3. I discovered just how much dishwashing the Mountie did when he lived here. Washing dishes is the worst.
  4. My dog-mom guilt skyrocketed. My poor little pup doesn’t understand why his stay-at-home pal isn’t here anymore and why I leave him for so long during the day.
  5. I’ve discovered that I hate silence.
  6. My life is now broken down hourly. “3 p.m., drive home, 4 p.m., take dog to the park, 5 p.m., gym, 6 p.m., make dinner…”Also, weekly and daily: “4 more weeks until I visit the Mountie, 25 days until I visit the Mountie…”
  7. I realized just how much I took having my husband around for granted. The pleasure of falling asleep next to the person you love, of having someone there when you get home. Walking the dog together.
  8. The Mountie was responsible for easily 75% of the laundry in our house. It is ridiculous how little laundry I generate myself.
  9. Missing someone can be physically painful. I had forgotten that part.
  10. I’m remembering how self-sufficient I can be, but that doesn’t mean I can’t wait to be back with my Mountie.

Gaining Momentum

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There’s this thing that happens when you start a new fitness program (and as a person who has started more than I care to share, I’m pretty much an expert). After about 3-4 weeks, you start to actually feel different. A bit stronger, a bit slimmer (if that’s your goal), and a bit more capable. Those first few weeks are really hard because it feels like your efforts aren’t getting you anywhere, then all of the sudden, you start to notice that your pants fit a little better, you’re a bit more flexible, you’re a bit stronger.

I’m finding the Mountie’s time at depot to have a similar pattern. It’s starting to feel more habitual and less flounder-y (scientific term). Even though I’m still five weeks out from visiting the Mountie, as I get up to this halfway point between when he left and when I’ll see him, it starts to feel like I’m heading down the other side of a hill. Like how when you’re going for a run, the second half always feels easier.

Here’s hoping the back stretch goes by quickly.

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Happy Anniversary

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It was our third wedding anniversary yesterday. I was moping at work, as you do when your spouse lives in another province and you’re all aloney-lone for your anniversary, when I got an email telling me to pick up a delivery at the front desk.

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This guy, though.

2 minutes, 35 seconds

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Today I got to speak to the Mountie for a whole 2 minutes and 35 seconds!

It’s definitely better than nothing, but it’s rough. It feels like I’m building up all of these things to tell him and then I get on the phone and just say my day was “fine.”

Which it was. I went to the gym today a little later than I intended so there was a class of 11 year olds watching me do sled pulls. It was cute, they were counting up how much weight I was pulling and seemed very impressed.

Hooray, I impress 11 year olds!

Listening to:

Why My Husband Being At Depot Scares Me

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I got to speak to the Mountie this weekend for a new record time – 18 minutes.

However, I think I’ve pinned down what I’m really afraid of while he’s at Depot.

I’m afraid of being left behind.

The Mountie is off having all new experiences and new challenges, while I’m at home living the same life we were before he left. It’s a good life, and I’ll keep it warm for him, but I worry that when he gets back, the gap between us will be too big.

This worry is exacerbated by just how infrequently I get to speak to him. We have lived in separate provinces before, going for as long as three months without seeing each other, but we’ve never had this little contact. Previously, we would be chatting, emailing or texting each other constantly during the day. Now, I’m lucky if I get a single text from him, and calls are every couple of days at best.

I suppose part of this is the fear that he won’t be the same guy when he’s done training – or when he’s been a member for 10 years. I worry that policing will turn him into a different man, one I don’t recognize. Or, that he won’t recognize me from his new frame of reference.

I know he needs to focus on his training, and I honestly don’t begrudge him that at all. I just want to be a part of it (insert annoying whining).

 

 

I’ve Made a Terrible Mistake

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I tried a class at my new gym last night.

Most classes have a soft entry point – “oh, you’re new? Take these mini cans of Coca-Cola, that should be a good weight to start lifting with.”

This class had only two other people and apparently the guy running it missed the mini-Coke memo.

Things I Learned In This Class

  1. Tires are flipping heavy.
  2. Bear crawls and lunges aren’t awful enough – now you put your foot on sliding pads to decrease friction and increase hating your life.
  3. I’m not going to be able to walk tomorrow.
chuck
I bought a Chuck Norris calendar to cross off days.

So Very Tidy

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It’s Day 2 and the Stress Tidying™ has begun.

The Mountie does not believe I suffer from this compulsion. Mostly because it only happens when I’m alone. When he’s around, I may not be the tidiest of folk. The Mountie himself is a Stress Cleaner™. If only these afflictions were not stressed-based, our house would be sparkly clean.

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